Oops, I bought a Tesla. Now what?
Updated: Sep 21
Facing the financial reality of an extremely embarrassing, super expensive and totally public decision.
Look, I get it. You bought a Tesla for all the right reasons. Maybe it was the generous tax credits for going electric. Maybe you wanted to do your part for the environment. Or maybe – like me – you test drove one and suddenly felt like a Flinstone in your Nissan Altima.
Seriously, getting into a Tesla for the first time is like using an iPhone after stubbornly clinging to your BlackBerry. Remember that moment? When you realized your beloved physical keyboard was actually... kind of obsolete? That's what driving a Tesla feels like. One minute you're thinking "How different can it really be?" and the next you're wondering how other cars are even still allowed on the road.
So there you are, living your best life in your Model 3 (or Y, or whatever). You're loving the instant acceleration, playing with the fart noise feature (don't pretend you haven't), and feeling pretty good about your life choices. Then... the Elon news starts trickling in.
At first, it's easy to brush off. Hey, we've all sent regrettable tweets, right? Besides, it's not like other car companies have spotless histories. Mercedes? Built by actual Nazis! Hummer? Basically a middle finger to the ozone layer!
But then... oh techbro…Musk buys Twitter, turns it into X and becomes an actual supervillain, with an orange puppet to do his bidding. Last week, it was leaked that the State Department was planning to purchase $400 million of “armored Tesla’s”. Although the Trump Administration reversed course on this amidst public outcry, it didn’t help calm the feeling that our own Teslas could be a part featured at the next fascist parade.
The Great Tesla Dilemma
So what's a conflicted Tesla owner to do? Selling seems like the obvious answer. After all, remember how the salesperson (sorry, "product specialist") told you Teslas hold their value amazingly well because of those magical over-the-air updates? Your 2021 model is practically the same as a new one! In 2019, Musk even claimed that “Tesla vehicles are now “appreciating assets.” He repeated the claim in June 2023, long after most of our Teslas were underwater:
But, it turns out that this, like many of Musk’s claims, was total hogwash. It also turns out that having your CEO regularly make headlines for lousy reasons isn't great for residual value. Prices on new Teslas are now down substantially since 2021.
And it's not like you can just easily swap it for another car – have you seen car prices lately? Volvo isn’t offering discounts just to make Tesla owners feel better.
Solutions for the Ethically Conflicted Tesla Owner
1. The NPR Special: Donate Your Car
Want to turn your moral quandary into a tax deduction? Consider donating your Tesla to charity. Just imagine a parking lot full of donated Teslas at your local NPR station! How can that not make you smile?
A few things to know about car donation: For tax purposes, there's an important distinction—If the charity uses the car, you can generally deduct the fair market value. If they sell it, you can only deduct the actual sale amount, which is often less than the market value. Whatever option you choose, make sure to get proper documentation for your tax records.
Alternatively, you could do the Sheryl Crow move and simply sell your car and donate the proceeds. Doesn’t she look gorgeous as she waves farewell to her Muskmobile?
Let’s break down the Tesla Donation options a bit more clearly:
But, do be careful: When donating a car to charity, it's crucial to thoroughly research the organization, as vehicle donation scams are unfortunately common. One notorious example is Kars 4 Kids, which has faced multiple state investigations and controversies. While presenting itself as a general children's charity through catchy radio jingles, Kars 4 Kids faced legal action for misleading donors about how their contributions would be used, and investigations revealed that only a small percentage of proceeds actually went to charitable programs, with significant funds going to real estate investments that lost money. To avoid such situations, potential donors should verify a charity's legitimacy through independent sources like Charity Navigator, check their IRS Form 990s to see how donations are actually used, and confirm whether the organization primarily sells donated vehicles or uses them directly in charitable work.
2. Join the Resistance (Magnetically)
Don’t have the luxury of just dumping or donating your Tesla? You can at least make it more palatable to drive. For $9.99, join the "Anti-Elon Tesla Club" with a snazzy car magnet.
Pro tip: The magnet is removable, just in case Elon starts monitoring Tesla cameras for signs of dissent. (I'm kidding! Probably!)
3. Make It a Business Expense
Own a business? Your Tesla can become a tax write-off! Sure, it won't solve the moral dilemma, but at least you can deduct:
Mileage or actual expenses
Charging costs
That eventual sale loss you're trying not to think about
Plus, nothing says "successful entrepreneur" quite like writing off your crisis of conscience as a business expense.
The Bottom Line
Look, we're all just trying our best here. Maybe you bought a Tesla because you genuinely wanted to help the environment. Maybe you were seduced by that ludicrous acceleration. Maybe you just really, really loved the idea of a car that can make fart noises on command.
Whatever your reasons, you're not alone in feeling a bit weird about it now. But until someone invents a way to launch our cars into space (wait, no, that's another Elon thing), we might as well make the best of it.
At least we're still helping the environment, right? Right?
Written from my Tesla, parked at a Supercharger, while pretending not to notice the guy in the CyberTruck glaring at my "Anti-Elon" magnet.
I leave you with an original Tesla Model 3 ad: “FEEL IT.” Oh, boy, I bet you’re feeling it now.
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